Burgers joints are like pizza places. Everyone has their favorite, and those opinions tend to be passionate. But trust me when I tell you the best burger on earth isn’t in the meat lover’s haven of Texas or the ancestral homeland of McDonald’s in Southern California. And sorry know-it-all New Yorkers. It’s not in Manhattan or Brooklyn or Queens or The Bronx. It’s in Gilbert, Ariz., of all places.

Joe’s Farm Grill serves up gourmet comfort food in what was once the childhood home of owner Joe Johnston. He remodeled the house into a spiffy, Mid-Century Mod restaurant that evokes the classic 1950s fast food drive-in. Except Joe’s is no drive-in. You order at the window inside and get a little buzzer that goes off when your order is up. And when you pay, you realize this isn’t fast food, either. I ordered the Farm Burger with cheddar and grilled onions, a side of fried zucchini slices and a dark chocolate shake. My total? A shade over $16. Oof!
I thought about taking my food to go, but most of the regulars eat there. And almost everyone parks it at one of the
picnic tables surrounding the place. Joe’s is shrouded in trees, so shade isn’t a problem. With the breeze blowing in on an early March afternoon, the setting was idyllic. I sat down beneath a grapefruit tree with little kids running around everywhere and forgot I just dropped $16 for a cheeseburger.
Five seconds later, I’d inhaled my it and realized I would’ve paid double. Fresh-cut fries come with the burger, which is huge by the way, so you do get a lot for your money. But here’s why I know the Farm Burger is the best I’ve ever had:
a. It’s perfect without condiments, and I’m a condiments person. I didn’t want to fool with the savory simplicity of the ground beef, cheddar and grilled onions.
b. I ate so fast, I didn’t realize the giant slice of tomato and leaf of lettuce in the styrofoam container until it was too late. Same goes for snapping a photo of the burger. Sorry.
c. I was obsessed with the burger for the rest of the trip. Joe’s is a good 40 minutes from my hotel in central Phoenix, but I still considered getting in the car and driving back down there. Now that I’m 1,000 miles away, I definitely wish I had. Ah, regrets.
The zucchini slices were just as great. Luckily, I slowed down enough to photograph them before they were gone. I thought they’d be battered like onion rings, but it’s more of a breadcrumb and seasoning thing, like the fried eggplant in eggplant parmesan. The rich tomato dipping sauce is nice and zesty and so fresh I could actually taste the tomato. Honestly, I’m not a fan of the squash family, but these zucchini slices were exceptional.
Finally, there was the double chocolate shake. I was pretty much in pain by the time I started on it. The 20-minute grace period between chewing and digesting had been breached. But we’re talking about a thick chocolate shake with little gobs of dark chocolate sauce suspended in the mix. I couldn’t stop. If you sat at the table next to me, this is what you heard:
Slurp.
“Good god I’m so full …”
Slurp.
“I can’t take another sip … “
Slurp.
“I won’t be able to eat again until Tuesday.”
Slurp.
“The pain is like knives!”
Slurp.
I am proud to say I didn’t down the whole thing. But I will admit I thought about fishing it out of the trash can soon after I tossed it, and I probably would’ve if there weren’t families with small children around.
I waddled back to my car with the kind of satisfaction you only get when you’ve discovered something truly remarkable. Trust me, if you decide to drive down from Phoenix, you may think it’s awfully far to go for a burger. But keep driving. You won’t be sorry.
Joe’s Farm Grill, 3000 E. Ray Road, Gilbert, Ariz., 480-563-4745
Hours: 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily (closed Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas)